Don't Argue With...

word count - 382

How to get control of some of the arguing.
by Dianne Roth

Since my granddaughter, Molly, was old enough to communicate with words, she has jumped at every opportunity to argue with her older brother. Much of this comes from her deep affection and connection to Nicholaus, but it also feeds her need for attention when he takes the bait and argues back. It sounds a lot like this:

Molly, pointing, “…a cow!”
Nicholaus disgusted, “That’s not a cow, it’s a horse.”
Molly screaming, “No! A cow!”
Nicholaus offended by her two year old stupidity, “It’s a horse. Gram, tell her it’s a horse. It’s not a cow…..”

And on and on…..

Anyone listening would have to admit that Nicholaus is always right. But, being right when arguing with a two year old, does not carry much honor. Rather, it shows his middle-child need to grab stature. Unfortunately, he gets in trouble for arguing, which he cannot understand.

I always say, “Nicholaus, don’t argue with a two year old. You can’t win.”

“But, she’s wrong!” he appeals.

“I know. But, don’t argue with a two year old.”

After a year, it became, “Don’t argue with a three year old. You can’t win.”

Of course, Molly doesn’t help things when she demands, “Nicholaus, don’t argue with a three year old.” He becomes hysterical. I snicker!

The other day I said, “Don’t argue with a four year old. You can’t win.”

Tired of hearing my mantra, he yelled from the back seat of my car, “Grandma! Don’t argue with a 90 year old! You can’t win!”

At which I belly laughed, thinking about my 88 year old father.

“Nicholaus, you are right! What do you think the rule really is?”

After a moment, he snorted and said, “Don’t argue with anyone?”

And, I said, “Amen!”

Afterward: Last week, four year old Molly was sitting in the back seat of my car singing,

Don’t argue with a one year old, a one year old, a one year old.
Don’t argue with a two year old, a two year old, a two year old.
Don’t argue with a three year old, a…. etc.

I told her older brothers about her song. One of them asked, “How many verses are there, Gram?”

I replied, “Oh, about a hundred,” and we all laughed til we had tears.

So… What’s the rule?

Dianne Roth is a teacher, mother, grandmother, and freelance writer. She lives in Oregon.